Taco Bell Done Did It Again: THE $5 NBA BOX

You may not believe this, but I was a frail, sickly looking child that refused any and all types of nourishment that was forced upon me by the village elders. Until one day, I discovered a little treasure called the taco supreme and my life got flipped, turned upside down. I learned to drive at the tender age of 9 because I was jacking people for their cars and tacos at local Taco Bell drive-thru's. After doubling my body weight and doing some time in juvie for an incident where I drove a pick up truck into a Taco Bell window, I decided to take up a paper route and do some freelance miming to fund my taco supreme addiction. I have been on the straight and narrow ever since and it's been 13 years since I've stolen any tacos.


That's my dad on the left, he was mad, real mad Joe Jackson.

Anyhow, my whirlwind love affair with Taco Bell is still going strong because they have a tendency to wow me every time they put out any kind of promotional item. Their most recent work of genius is the NBA $5 Buck Box, which is the result of a collaboration they did with Sir Charles Barkley and the NBA. The boxes come with either a Volcano taco/Cheesy Gordita, a regular taco, a Volcano Burrito/Burrito Supreme, cinnamon twists, and a drink for $5. If you ask me, this is the most triumphant deal in town and you would have to be some kind of underdeveloped, vegetable mole person (a vegan) to not enjoy this.

My home girl Tina and I were gonna be good, non-fat people and eat boughie tacos at Tacolicious because we decided to not be disgusting for a change. But on our way, we walked by a KFC/Taco Bell and were like, "Eh, lets be economical. We can just be healthy and order from the Fresco Menu." Next thing you know, we were both face down in a couple of NBA boxes. She got the Volcano box and I got the Cheesy Gordita box and I was pretty happy despite a few fuck-ups, which can be blamed on this particular location. 1) THEY RAN OUT OF CINNAMON TWISTS and gave us nachos instead. THE FUCK?? and 2) They ran out of RED TACO SHELLS AND they didn't put Tina's order in an actual NBA box. Which is funny/weird since we ordered at the same time and they felt compelled to give me a box and not her. Trina don't take kindly to discrimination so she put one foot on the counter and gave the staff her best, "I AIN'T NEVA LIE BITCH!" So, KFC/Taco Bell in the Marina, shame on you. But as dysfunctional as you are, I still like you so don't fart on my food.


THE BOX a.k.a. THE TRUTH. The truth being, "it rocks, it rocks".

We couldn't finish the entire thing and each had a taco left over, so being the dignified lil mama's that we are, we put our tacos in our purses and headed over to the Matrix to get our "party, party, party let's all get wasted" on. After 69 rounds of Jameson shots and a mega power barf, those tacos sure came in handy because my ass was on the prowl and was ready to kill for some food.




Only real men like bitches with tacos in their purses.

So after a night of NBA Box/Jameson pimpin', the only thing you can do the next morning is this:



Comments

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j said…
best blog ever. EVAR.
aly said…
umm i love you.

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