"Ravenous Pack of She-Wolves"

So, my buddies Jenn and Raf like to refer to my friends and I as a "Ravenous Pack of She-wolves." I like this label because for one, it just sounds cool and two, it sure beats the nickname I use for us in my head, which is "Vague, Fat, Blind Inertia." I'll admit that I have no clue what the fuck "she-wolves" are so I Google image searched it and I found this amazing picture...

These armed, leaf-wearing chicks are bangin, so I assume that Jenn and Raf are calling us sexy. I'm not entirely sure if this is the cover of an animated porn DVD or not because I found this blurb beneath the photo: "The fate of the entire world hangs in the balance as a bevy of scantily clad beauties do battle in sprawling junkyards and treacherous gravel pits in order to determine the ultimate female warrior." ....Yeah, that's us alright.

I do my most destructive eating when I'm with my friends because we all share an affinity for collecting back fat and lack common sense, self-awareness, motor skills, etc. We literally have nothing else in common but when friends share common vices (chicken wings), most other things tend to be irrelevant. So all that is left to do is get our drank on and do hoodrat things with eachother.

For example, last week we celebrated St. Patrick's Day in style--at the new Hooters in San Bruno's signature dirt mall, Tanforan. Keep in mind, we are Asian and generally confused about Caucasian customs, so we WOULD think this is an appropriate place to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. I am proud to announce we weren't stupid enough to drink green beer. That's like shitting yourself and wearing your soiled underwear around your neck. People with green beer mouth are just asking for a beating/an arrest and will under no circumstances get laid. This rule also applies to people who wear shoes that look like this:


There are times in my life when I sit back and think to myself, "Damn girl, you have made it in this world." After I re-garnished this beer and photographed it, I had one of those moments. REVEL IN MY GLORY.

We were abruptly removed from the restaurant after Gabby coerced our waitress into eating a cookie that she snuck in and creepily demanded that she be named the manager of Hooters. Ended the night by barfing along the Guadalupe Canyon. So romantic.

Example #2 of our ravenous she-wolving..."BRUNCH"

A menagerie of Girl Scout Cookies atop the bar.

Brunch at Zazie's in Cole Valley, SF.

MANGO MIMOSA. This was retarded good but my only gripe would be that they weren't bottomless, so I'm not entirely sure you could classify this meal as brunch. Brunch is not brunch unless you walk away cross-eyed and pantsless.

Even though there was an absence of free-flowing alcohol, they completely redeemed themselves with their POACHED EGGS. I got the one with CRAB AND AVOCADO. Okay, I've been sitting here trying to think of the right words to describe how violently sexy these eggs are, but I cannot find words to express its greatness. BEYONCE. These are just, plain BEYONCE.

After a long day of waiting for the sun to go down so that we could eat dinner at a socially acceptable hour, me and Jizzo hit up PHAT PHILLY on Valencia and 24th. Got the California Cheesesteak with Kobe beef, cheese whiz, bacon, caramelized onions, and avocado AND waffle fries. I would sell my future children for one of these. Kind of like how you can pre-order video games and DVD's before they come out.

This is me and my She-Wolfpack congregating in our breakdancing circle. Don't get it twisted, I can still cut up a rug after all that insane eating.


MrsHK said…
You are a true poet and you keep bringing tears to my eyes. You have honored me with your blog!
Anonymous said…
This shit was hysterical. I'm crying.

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