Alhambraham Lincoln: Izakaya Akatora and Gen Korean BBQ

The city of Alhambra is one of the greatest and most underrated eating destinations in California. As someone that'll suck you dry and eat some lunch with you, I consider myself lucky to live in a city that is so bountifully blessed with so many amazing restaurants. In fact, I have assumed the position as Alhambra's Official Ambassador. My duties include directing traffic at Asian supermarket parking lots, ribbon cutting at various grand openings using only my teeth and lobbying for local liquor stores to carry E-40's newest alcoholic endeavor, Sluricane. I'm even thinking of running for city council next year in hopes of granting Wienersnitzel a liquor license.

Here's a photo of me auctioning off some sheep at the local farmers market. Just one of the many hat's that I wear as the city's ambassador...I also auction off corn on the cob from my driveway when I'm feeling ambitious.

Anyhow, I love this new Japanese place called Izakaya Akatora that opened up on Main Street late last year and it is without question, the best restaurant along Main. They have a happy hour from 4pm to 7pm every day, where you can get $3 Kirins and $3 handrolls. Their regular menu is outstanding too - their Miso Black Cod is a certified panty dropper and I noticed they are doing some sexy thangs with foie gras these days.

Spicy Tuna and Crab Handrolls with a pint of Kirin. (Ima hoshi, yokkyu ni natchauyo!) 

The Spicy Scallop Handroll (Shichau manpe!)

Miso Popcorn Shrimp (Gai shitai sumata!)

Crunchy Spicy Tuna Handroll (Ketsusha shite!)

Barracuda Sushi (Ikiso!)
I included some of the phrases I learned from this Japanese slang book that I bought called, "D!rty Japanese" for my upcoming trip to Japan. If you understood any of that, I apologize. I got those phrases specifically from the "Horny Japanese" chapter, which incidentally, is the only chapter I've been studying.

Another Alhambran gem is Gen Korean BBQ on Main street, where you can have ALL YOU CAN EAT KOREAN BBQ FOR $20. There is usually a crowd waiting outside of there that rivals the ones outside of your local Sephora when Anthony Davis releases a new limited edition eye brow gel. Even as a VIP in Alhambs, I need to come at odd hours to avoid a long wait. I recommend going in the middle of the afternoon...

I LOVE MEATS, MEATS, MEATS so this is where I go to love 'em and leave 'em. They have a bunch of crazy meats here, so I like to get adventurous and eat the weird fleshes.

An assortment of BAN CHAN aka pickled whats-its and potato salads. 

PORK CHEEK! They didn't specify whether these were cheeks located on a pigs face or it's ass. 

BULGOGI aka marinated beef.

Sexily marbled BRISKET. This is my favorite because it's 70% fat, therefore 100% my type.  

TONGUE. You cannot go wrong with tongue, NOT NEVA. 

The short rib and a collection of cooked meats that I draped across my face like Hannibal Lecter. I also snuck some brisket into my purse to sew together a lamp shade with. 

In conclusion, I'll be making t-shirts and bumper stickers with the saying "ALHAMBRA: I FUCKS WITCHU" printed on them and will be auctioning those off from my drive way as well.


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