Jollibee, Versailles, and Bootleg Sangrias

Terrorizing the streets of Los Angeles has been going quite well. I have already been approached by several Koreatown gangs about possible membership and I have accomplished more than half of the stuff on the official "You Are Persian If..." list. Impressive since it has been less than a week and I have already made this town my bitch.

The other day, I went to visit my pal Chris, mainly because he lives a few blocks from Jollibee. Jollibee is a Filipino fast food joint that has made its way to America and has been successfully confusing the shit out of non-Filipinos ever since. I have had several people confront me about how alarming and uninviting their menu is. All I can say about that is, stay away from the spaghetti and burgers and stick with the Chicken Joy. Their Chicken Joy fried chicken is incredible because its crispy, succulent and is served with a side of rice and gravy.

This is where they make the food of my people. Take note of the young man in the "I <3 DC" shirt. DC does not stand for District of Columbia when a Filipino wears it, it stands for "Daly City."

Whoever designed the entrance/exits and parking situation for Jollibee ought to be shot. I ended up parking across several handicap spots because the whole thing is just bullshit and too confusing to deal with.

Hit up Versailles on La Cienega for some Cuban loving and copped their world famous Garlic Roast Pork and Roasted Chicken. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, you have not lived until you have slathered your face with that garlic sauce. Not to mention the rice and beans and platanos. This place is an institution here in LA and if you want some serious Cuban noms, you gotta hit up Versailles and cop for the low-low.

Went to The Counter on Sunset in West Hollywood. It's a build-your-own burger place and it's pretty damn good. We got some parmesan fries that reeked of rosemary (in a good way) and I got a burger with brie, aioli, guacamole, roasted green chiles, and a mix of greens. This place is freakin dangerous because you just want to pile everything onto your burger and it becomes a huge life decision when you have all those ingredients to choose from. If you go overboard like I did, you will end up with a mess of shit in your cleave and no friends.

My ride or die bitches Jizzo and Mimi came with me to Malibu and we decided to bring along a little treat for the beach. We made some classy, boss bitch sangrias. I put them in these Avelox cups my mom gave me and apparently Avelox is some sort of antibiotic. I'm gonna assume these cups are coated with antibiotics and this is my mom's way of dealing with my questionable lifestyle.

Went to Pavilions and got that Carlo Rossi sangria, Ditto (bootleg 7-Up), and pre-cut fruit packages. I believe this is how they make sangrias in Spain.

A friend who shall remain nameless had one of these and proceeded to vomit all over UCLA. Luckily, I had these pool floaties that I have been using as beds, for her to pass out in fetal on. And yes, I did inflate them with my mouth.



jack said…
You have me rolling, dude! Be sure to post restaurant reviews at !
Anonymous said…
The Jollibee Corporation eats Filipino souls for breakfast, regardless of sell-by date. Which accounts for the wonky parking lot scheme.

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