"Don't Just Eat To Live, Live To Eat"

WHAT'S POPPIN SLIME?? Well you know, I'm just chillin, watching my pigmentally challenged boo Mayer Hawthorne eat dim sum. There is something curiously attractive about a man that films himself talking dirty to a dumpling as he unfolds it and stuffs it into his mouth.



I think my dream would be to sit at a roundtable with Mayer Hawthorne and Delonte West. Paula Deen would spoon feed us mac and cheese and we would all engage in deep, nut-shattering conversation about barbecue sauces. AND THEN we would all engage in a freestyle battle (Paula included) in a KFC parking lot. How do I sign up for the Make A Wish foundation?

.....I guess I should talk about things that happen in reality now.

So, I need to announce that I made Thin Mint Cannoli's because it validates my status as a intellectual (not that it was in question.) My office was having a St. Patty's Day pot luck and I accepted that as an invitation to kick everyones ass. For some reason, pot lucks bring out my competitive spirit and I always go overboard. For Christmas, I brought in a 50 lb tray of baked mac and cheese with 12 different cheeses.


Drove all the way to The Village Bakery in Atwater Village to avoid making my own cannoli shells. You know me, chasing convenience via inconvenience.


Robbed a group of leprechauns standing outside of a Ralphs for these.


Dreamed up the filling myself. Ricotta, peppermint extract, powdered sugar, mini chocolate chips, crushed Thin Mints, and a shit ton of green food coloring. I refuse to feel the embarrassment of showing up to a St. Patty's Day pot luck without green food.


Made a ghettoass piping bag out of a ziplock baggie. Please excuse my nails...I can assure you that they are no longer an abomination.


VOILA! Jesus loses, I win.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!



RAZMULBERRY BITCH

Comments

iain'tnevalie said…
Fuck you for making me jizz my pants at work.

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