I'm drunk and I'm on my google reader and I don't know if I seeing shit but I'm pretty sure this says that Lil Jon made a prize winning chardonnay. Feel like im in the fuckin twilight zone or some shit.
Lil Jon Wins Award For Chardonnay Wine | Hip Hop News HipHopDX.com
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Saturday, June 27, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Hot Dates in North Beach + Baseball Metaphors
Me being the sexy, young thang that I am, I go on plenty of dates and have become somewhat of a dating expert. Never you mind that my dates don't involve actual men...
Raspberry & Chocolate Macaroons from La Boulange on Columbus. I unknowingly made out with each of them for about a half hour before I took my first bite. I kept it at first base cause I didn't wanna seem easy since it was our first date and all.
Focaccia bread of the pizza and plain variety from the Liguria Bakery. We go way back so we already knew each other pretty well, so its safe to say that I scored a home run with these bad boys.
Ladies, I hope you took notes.
Raspberry & Chocolate Macaroons from La Boulange on Columbus. I unknowingly made out with each of them for about a half hour before I took my first bite. I kept it at first base cause I didn't wanna seem easy since it was our first date and all.
Focaccia bread of the pizza and plain variety from the Liguria Bakery. We go way back so we already knew each other pretty well, so its safe to say that I scored a home run with these bad boys.
Ladies, I hope you took notes.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Burma Superstar: That Is What You Are
I first heard about Burma Superstar from a presentation done in my Food and Wine class on Burmese cuisine. It was described as a cross between Thai, Chinese, and Indian food, which intrigued me because all 3 of those cuisines are amongst my top 69 favorite cuisines. I've never had Burmese cuisine before and never gave it much thought, but that presentation had me hurtin for a BURMESE squirtin!
So the first time I tried to go here, I went to the location on Clement Street in San Francisco and there was a 45 minute long wait! Mind you, this was around 9ish on a Tuesday night. So we ended up going somewhere different cause we already had that hungry, rabid look in our eyes and couldn't wait that long or else someone would have died in the name of garlic noodles. But from that moment on, I KNEW that I had to eat at Burma Superstar because people don't wait 45 minutes for mediocrity...except for the morons that wait in line at Pink's.
So the other night I finally ended up going to their location in Oakland in Temescal aka the Williamsburg/Silverlake/Track Bikes McGeeversville part of town. Naturally, when gentrification exiles the crackheads and the angel dust clears, the hipsters appear and the good food follows.
The exterior. You can't see it but there are 5 foot grease stains on the windows where I was pressing my body against the glass. They threatened to call the police but my friends somehow convinced them I wasn't a meth addict and they let me in. I just get really excited when I try new restaurants.
So the real reason we ended up at Burma Superstar was because we desperately wanted sangrias and when you look up "sangrias" in Oakland on Yelp, Burma Superstar pops up. And rightfully so because their sangrias were ON POINT!
They have both red and white wine sangrias but we opted for the red after our waitress suggested them. I think the sangria was supposed to have lychee in it but didn't quite taste it but perhaps the white sangrias were the ones with lychee in it. Whatever, we were just happy to have SANGRIAS! My homegirl, Oaklandass Mimi had quite the night with just half a watered down sangria...bless her Vietnamese heart. I on the other hand could have used several more pitchers of sangria...
We started off with the Tea Leaf Salad which is their signature dish and I'll be honest, I wanted to try it because of the hype but faked being excited because it is after all a salad. Salads remind me of dieting and dieting reminds of entertaining thoughts of suicide. Also, I was half expecting it to have a Thai Milk Tea dressing so imagine my disappointment when I didn't see my veggies floating in a bed of orange liquid. Anyhow, I was pleasantly surprised when I tried this because it was goddamn DELICIOUS! It consists of fermented tea leaves, tomatoes, lettuce, dried shrimp, fried garlic, sesame seeds, peanuts, and split yellow peas. It was a crunchy, refreshing dish that got me excited in all sorts of ways ;)
Next came the GARLIC NOODLES with DUCK! Now if anyone knows me, they know that I LOVE duck, especially after a long night of partying. After the club, I can typically be found being laughed at and photographed, face down in a plate of duck soup at Osha. Anyhow, the Garlic Noodles were THE BUSINESS...pretty simple: flour noodles, fried garlic, scallions, and duck! QUACK BITCH!
This is the Spicy and Crispy Chicken, which is deep fried chicken breast in a sweet, spicy sauce with chili and garlic. I think my friends described its glory pretty accurately when they proclaimed, "Damn, those chicken nugget things are HELLA good!"
Here we have the Garlic Chili Shrimp. WADDUP? I HIT. WHAT ELSE? PLUS DOME. SAY WORD?...AND WE GOT IT ON TONIIIIGHT! (Some dishes remind me of Cam'ron songs.)
Okay, listen up...you MUST order the Coconut Rice or else you will have done everything wrong. EVERYTHING tastes better with a side of Coconut Rice because the coconut flavor compliments all the dishes so brilliantly and MAN, god, Jesus, Moses, Noah, I LOVE IT!!!!! Its just so rich, creamy, and flavorful and its like having a month long Luau in my mouth.
We topped the meal off with some Fried Coconut Fritters with coconut ice cream and strawberries. Sexcellent. Beautifuck. Oh my lord...
In conclusion, Burma Superstar is one of my new favorite restaurants and I desperately want to try everything else on the menu. Every dish we had was extraordinarily delicious, unique, and damn near tantric.
Somehow at the end of the night, this poor, hermaphrodite doggy ended up in a headlock. Take note of the fear in its eyes...I've never seen anything like it before. I blame Burma.
So the first time I tried to go here, I went to the location on Clement Street in San Francisco and there was a 45 minute long wait! Mind you, this was around 9ish on a Tuesday night. So we ended up going somewhere different cause we already had that hungry, rabid look in our eyes and couldn't wait that long or else someone would have died in the name of garlic noodles. But from that moment on, I KNEW that I had to eat at Burma Superstar because people don't wait 45 minutes for mediocrity...except for the morons that wait in line at Pink's.
So the other night I finally ended up going to their location in Oakland in Temescal aka the Williamsburg/Silverlake/Track Bikes McGeeversville part of town. Naturally, when gentrification exiles the crackheads and the angel dust clears, the hipsters appear and the good food follows.
The exterior. You can't see it but there are 5 foot grease stains on the windows where I was pressing my body against the glass. They threatened to call the police but my friends somehow convinced them I wasn't a meth addict and they let me in. I just get really excited when I try new restaurants.
So the real reason we ended up at Burma Superstar was because we desperately wanted sangrias and when you look up "sangrias" in Oakland on Yelp, Burma Superstar pops up. And rightfully so because their sangrias were ON POINT!
They have both red and white wine sangrias but we opted for the red after our waitress suggested them. I think the sangria was supposed to have lychee in it but didn't quite taste it but perhaps the white sangrias were the ones with lychee in it. Whatever, we were just happy to have SANGRIAS! My homegirl, Oaklandass Mimi had quite the night with just half a watered down sangria...bless her Vietnamese heart. I on the other hand could have used several more pitchers of sangria...
We started off with the Tea Leaf Salad which is their signature dish and I'll be honest, I wanted to try it because of the hype but faked being excited because it is after all a salad. Salads remind me of dieting and dieting reminds of entertaining thoughts of suicide. Also, I was half expecting it to have a Thai Milk Tea dressing so imagine my disappointment when I didn't see my veggies floating in a bed of orange liquid. Anyhow, I was pleasantly surprised when I tried this because it was goddamn DELICIOUS! It consists of fermented tea leaves, tomatoes, lettuce, dried shrimp, fried garlic, sesame seeds, peanuts, and split yellow peas. It was a crunchy, refreshing dish that got me excited in all sorts of ways ;)
Next came the GARLIC NOODLES with DUCK! Now if anyone knows me, they know that I LOVE duck, especially after a long night of partying. After the club, I can typically be found being laughed at and photographed, face down in a plate of duck soup at Osha. Anyhow, the Garlic Noodles were THE BUSINESS...pretty simple: flour noodles, fried garlic, scallions, and duck! QUACK BITCH!
This is the Spicy and Crispy Chicken, which is deep fried chicken breast in a sweet, spicy sauce with chili and garlic. I think my friends described its glory pretty accurately when they proclaimed, "Damn, those chicken nugget things are HELLA good!"
Here we have the Garlic Chili Shrimp. WADDUP? I HIT. WHAT ELSE? PLUS DOME. SAY WORD?...AND WE GOT IT ON TONIIIIGHT! (Some dishes remind me of Cam'ron songs.)
Okay, listen up...you MUST order the Coconut Rice or else you will have done everything wrong. EVERYTHING tastes better with a side of Coconut Rice because the coconut flavor compliments all the dishes so brilliantly and MAN, god, Jesus, Moses, Noah, I LOVE IT!!!!! Its just so rich, creamy, and flavorful and its like having a month long Luau in my mouth.
We topped the meal off with some Fried Coconut Fritters with coconut ice cream and strawberries. Sexcellent. Beautifuck. Oh my lord...
In conclusion, Burma Superstar is one of my new favorite restaurants and I desperately want to try everything else on the menu. Every dish we had was extraordinarily delicious, unique, and damn near tantric.
Somehow at the end of the night, this poor, hermaphrodite doggy ended up in a headlock. Take note of the fear in its eyes...I've never seen anything like it before. I blame Burma.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I just had an epiphany...
It's not until I read this article on "The Worst Packaged Lunch" on menshealth.com, did I realize that I just stopped eating Lunchables last year...at the age of 21. A grownass woman seriously eating Lunchables for a meal. Well, I'm glad I matured out of that stage cause apparently they have 680 calories in them. I also ate Flamin' Hots and Vitamin Water for breakfast so yeah, I don't think I've been capable of feeding myself properly without parental supervision until recently.
Eat This, Not That - The No-Diet Weight Loss Solution From Men's Health
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Eat This, Not That - The No-Diet Weight Loss Solution From Men's Health
Shared via AddThis
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Baking That Will Get You Laid: Jello Poke Cake
After looking at other food blogs, I noticed that my blog did not feature any recipes, whereas most other food blogs do. I also noticed the pictures they feature aren't of food that's half eaten, their cameras are in focus, and they don't write like they're writing blurbs for erotica novels. So I thought that maybe I should put up a recipe once in a while so that I appear domesticated and ladylike. Here it goes...
So, a wise man once told me and my friend, Jessica, "You eat like white trash." And I did not disagree. Thus, here is a recipe for a cake that my cousin put me on to called Jello Poke Cake. Its an extremely easy recipe, also surprisingly delicious considering the ingredients and is ideal for toddlers, starving college students, and ambitious stoners.
JELLO POKE CAKE
1 Box of Yellow Cake Mix
1 (3 oz.) Box of Raspberry Jello *
1 (3 oz.) Box of Green Jello *
1 (8 oz.) Tub of Cool Whip
2 9" Round Baking Pans
*You can use whatever flavor Jello you want, it really doesn't matter.
You should be able to find all of these ingredients at your favorite 711.
So first you should probably make the yellow cake mix...there's instructions on the back of the box. Follow those. Here's picture's for those of you who cannot read.
Put the mix, eggs, oil, and water in a bowl and getcha swirl on.
It should come out looking like honey mustard. If you come up with something different, you should probably just give up and buy a Hostess cake.
So you pour the mix into two round cake pans and bake it at 350 degrees. It should come out lookin' golden brown, round, and sexy!
According to the directions, at this point you should be getting horny or "hornee" in Spanish. So you should probably let the cakes cool on some cooling racks.
If you can fight off the hornyness, start preparing the Jello. It's a steamy process that involves mixing boiling water and cold water into the Jello mix. I know, complex stuff but if I can do it, you can too. Just kidding, you probably can't.
Now for the fun part...get a fork and poke the living shit out of them cakes!! That deserves the biggest, "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!" (Seriously, make sure you poke it enough cause I didn't and the cake didn't absorb the Jello very well.)
LIKE SO.
Now you can pour the Jello mix over the cakes. You're not going to use all of it but go nuts if you like. I used a turkey baster!
Now stick these bad boys in the refrigerator for 3 hours at the very least. Of course, we only chilled them for an hour but that's cause it was getting late and we were hungry and I could only watch so many episodes of "True Life" on an empty stomach.
NOW ITS TIME TO FROST!! Take your tub of Cool Whip and a spatula and try your best not to rub it all over your body. Just on the cake will be fine. But whatever you do with the rest of the Cool Whip is your business.
AND THAT'S IT! I suppose you can decorate it but whats the point if its going directly in your mouth after you frost it.
I must shout out my cousin, Amanda for making this cake with me. If she didn't supervise me while making this, I would have set the house on fire and put myself in a body cast.
So, a wise man once told me and my friend, Jessica, "You eat like white trash." And I did not disagree. Thus, here is a recipe for a cake that my cousin put me on to called Jello Poke Cake. Its an extremely easy recipe, also surprisingly delicious considering the ingredients and is ideal for toddlers, starving college students, and ambitious stoners.
JELLO POKE CAKE
1 Box of Yellow Cake Mix
1 (3 oz.) Box of Raspberry Jello *
1 (3 oz.) Box of Green Jello *
1 (8 oz.) Tub of Cool Whip
2 9" Round Baking Pans
*You can use whatever flavor Jello you want, it really doesn't matter.
You should be able to find all of these ingredients at your favorite 711.
So first you should probably make the yellow cake mix...there's instructions on the back of the box. Follow those. Here's picture's for those of you who cannot read.
Put the mix, eggs, oil, and water in a bowl and getcha swirl on.
It should come out looking like honey mustard. If you come up with something different, you should probably just give up and buy a Hostess cake.
So you pour the mix into two round cake pans and bake it at 350 degrees. It should come out lookin' golden brown, round, and sexy!
According to the directions, at this point you should be getting horny or "hornee" in Spanish. So you should probably let the cakes cool on some cooling racks.
If you can fight off the hornyness, start preparing the Jello. It's a steamy process that involves mixing boiling water and cold water into the Jello mix. I know, complex stuff but if I can do it, you can too. Just kidding, you probably can't.
Now for the fun part...get a fork and poke the living shit out of them cakes!! That deserves the biggest, "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!" (Seriously, make sure you poke it enough cause I didn't and the cake didn't absorb the Jello very well.)
LIKE SO.
Now you can pour the Jello mix over the cakes. You're not going to use all of it but go nuts if you like. I used a turkey baster!
Now stick these bad boys in the refrigerator for 3 hours at the very least. Of course, we only chilled them for an hour but that's cause it was getting late and we were hungry and I could only watch so many episodes of "True Life" on an empty stomach.
NOW ITS TIME TO FROST!! Take your tub of Cool Whip and a spatula and try your best not to rub it all over your body. Just on the cake will be fine. But whatever you do with the rest of the Cool Whip is your business.
AND THAT'S IT! I suppose you can decorate it but whats the point if its going directly in your mouth after you frost it.
I must shout out my cousin, Amanda for making this cake with me. If she didn't supervise me while making this, I would have set the house on fire and put myself in a body cast.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Kyochon: Chicken Wings or Foreplay? You decide.
I've been putting this off for quite some time now and I think it's time that I paid homage to one of the greatest chicken wing spots the world will ever know, Kyochon. They are famous for their fried chicken, particularly their garlic-soy original flavored chicken which is in my opinion, one of the most addicting things you could put in your mouth. They have sat plates piled high with Kyochon wings in front of me and the next thing I know, my fingers and face are drenched in soy-garlic glaze and am then slung over someone's shoulder and carried out. They are delicious, but DANGEROUS...in a good way.
The location that I frequented when I lived in Los Angeles was the one located in the heart of Koreatown on 6th and Berendo Street. I recall my first experience there being magical, but not as impressive as the other times I went, probably because I had to share with a larger group of people. Not my style. Also, we ordered different types of flavors such as the spicy wings and the grilled wings, which are alternatives to the original garlic-soy. Although they too are flavorful and delicious, I just cannot handle the amount of spice in these wings. The grilled wings, which are supposed to be a healthier alternative to the fried wings are just straight up hotter than all hell. Its like they seasoned these with crusties from the devil's ass crack and don't tell you how goddamn hot they are because they like to see people weep and burst into flames. Anyhow, I've learned to stick to the OG flavor and order in larger than life amounts because I like to challenge people to wing eating contests.
*PLEASE EXCUSE THE RIDICULOUSNESS OF MY PHOTOS. I AM USING A MAC AND HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHAT THE HELL I AM DOING. ITS A MIRACLE THAT THERE ARE EVEN PICTURES ON THIS POST. GOD BLESS.
I usually order about 70 of these glorious, golden nuggets to start off with because I'm pimpin' like that. Check out that sexy glimmer that only fried foods have. If these were suspended from the sky, it would illuminate the world in a way that natural sunlight never could.
The SPICY WINGS. Heavier on the sauce, way hotter than the original, and OUT OF CONTROL! Well not as bad as the grilled wings. I tried to take a picture of those and my camera spontaneously combusted. Kyochon refuses to reimburse me for my camera by the way.
Up close and personal shot of a dynamic duo of winglets that came in a bento box. The bento boxes are good if you want to switch it up and eat more than just wings. They come with various nom noms such as bulgogi and bulgogi fried rice, there are different combinations to choose from. I always try to substitute everything for wings so that I get a bento box full of wings and end up getting kicked out.
This is the bulgogi fried rice. Ever so beautiful. We made a baby, but I can't show that to you.
TOTAL ANNIHILATION.
Alas, fobby signage, "Healthy Food For Ecstatic Body & Soul." Precisely, Kyochon, precisely.
I have fond memories of this place because after I discovered it, I brought everyone I knew here and methodically shoved chicken wings down all their throats until they called me "daddy." Here's a few of those memories:
-So I dragged a co-worker here after a long, hard day of drinking and challenged him to a wing eating contest. We ordered 30 wings but of course, they are saints at Kyochon and they ended up giving us way more. I ended up defeating him 21-19 and we were STILL hungry but too lazy to order more wings. Anyhow, we are no longer on speaking terms because I whooped him so hard and that's totally okay with me.
- Went here with the same guy, we ordered the deadly grilled wings...he burst into flames. Clearly an amateur.
- Brought my roommate here for the first time. Told her we needed to order a minimum of 30 and so we did just that.
The server's response: "Uhhh...30 wing a rot for you guy."
Me: "Sir, just bring us the wings."
Needless to say, this guy underestimated the consumption power of one and a half asian girls. Story of my life...
The location that I frequented when I lived in Los Angeles was the one located in the heart of Koreatown on 6th and Berendo Street. I recall my first experience there being magical, but not as impressive as the other times I went, probably because I had to share with a larger group of people. Not my style. Also, we ordered different types of flavors such as the spicy wings and the grilled wings, which are alternatives to the original garlic-soy. Although they too are flavorful and delicious, I just cannot handle the amount of spice in these wings. The grilled wings, which are supposed to be a healthier alternative to the fried wings are just straight up hotter than all hell. Its like they seasoned these with crusties from the devil's ass crack and don't tell you how goddamn hot they are because they like to see people weep and burst into flames. Anyhow, I've learned to stick to the OG flavor and order in larger than life amounts because I like to challenge people to wing eating contests.
*PLEASE EXCUSE THE RIDICULOUSNESS OF MY PHOTOS. I AM USING A MAC AND HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHAT THE HELL I AM DOING. ITS A MIRACLE THAT THERE ARE EVEN PICTURES ON THIS POST. GOD BLESS.
I usually order about 70 of these glorious, golden nuggets to start off with because I'm pimpin' like that. Check out that sexy glimmer that only fried foods have. If these were suspended from the sky, it would illuminate the world in a way that natural sunlight never could.
The SPICY WINGS. Heavier on the sauce, way hotter than the original, and OUT OF CONTROL! Well not as bad as the grilled wings. I tried to take a picture of those and my camera spontaneously combusted. Kyochon refuses to reimburse me for my camera by the way.
Up close and personal shot of a dynamic duo of winglets that came in a bento box. The bento boxes are good if you want to switch it up and eat more than just wings. They come with various nom noms such as bulgogi and bulgogi fried rice, there are different combinations to choose from. I always try to substitute everything for wings so that I get a bento box full of wings and end up getting kicked out.
This is the bulgogi fried rice. Ever so beautiful. We made a baby, but I can't show that to you.
TOTAL ANNIHILATION.
Alas, fobby signage, "Healthy Food For Ecstatic Body & Soul." Precisely, Kyochon, precisely.
I have fond memories of this place because after I discovered it, I brought everyone I knew here and methodically shoved chicken wings down all their throats until they called me "daddy." Here's a few of those memories:
-So I dragged a co-worker here after a long, hard day of drinking and challenged him to a wing eating contest. We ordered 30 wings but of course, they are saints at Kyochon and they ended up giving us way more. I ended up defeating him 21-19 and we were STILL hungry but too lazy to order more wings. Anyhow, we are no longer on speaking terms because I whooped him so hard and that's totally okay with me.
- Went here with the same guy, we ordered the deadly grilled wings...he burst into flames. Clearly an amateur.
- Brought my roommate here for the first time. Told her we needed to order a minimum of 30 and so we did just that.
The server's response: "Uhhh...30 wing a rot for you guy."
Me: "Sir, just bring us the wings."
Needless to say, this guy underestimated the consumption power of one and a half asian girls. Story of my life...
Monday, June 15, 2009
Free-Range Snails? Not a Joke?
After joking about Free-Range Snails, I decided to Google it and to my horror, I found out that IT IS IN FACT REAL. There are free-range snail farms in New Zealand and Australia such as the Silver Trail Free-Range Snail Farm (http://silvertrailsnails.co.nz/about.html).
This at the top of my list of "World's Most Unnecessary Things" next to Akon and underwear. In the heat of my ignorance, I am sure I am overlooking the fact that traditional snail farming practices could involve very Gitmo-like practices such as the usage of pesticides, flagellation, water torture, and castration. I mean, its not like I'm going to rent a crop duster and drop an assload of salt on these places but I am failing to see how this is not ridiculous. Perhaps I am a heartless sociopath or not as firm of a believer in organic practices as I should be. And now I feel guilty for not caring enough about snails...GREAT.
I am sorry for dragging you through my thought process and the mini emotional roller coaster ride that I just put myself through.
Okay, I'm gonna go to lunch now and think about what I just did.
This at the top of my list of "World's Most Unnecessary Things" next to Akon and underwear. In the heat of my ignorance, I am sure I am overlooking the fact that traditional snail farming practices could involve very Gitmo-like practices such as the usage of pesticides, flagellation, water torture, and castration. I mean, its not like I'm going to rent a crop duster and drop an assload of salt on these places but I am failing to see how this is not ridiculous. Perhaps I am a heartless sociopath or not as firm of a believer in organic practices as I should be. And now I feel guilty for not caring enough about snails...GREAT.
I am sorry for dragging you through my thought process and the mini emotional roller coaster ride that I just put myself through.
Okay, I'm gonna go to lunch now and think about what I just did.
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