Mo-Chica, Merkato, El Chato!!

As a fat person, I am down for cuisines of all kinds...if you provide me sweet, succulent calories, I will give you every last shekel in my pocket. Point is, I get off on eating at places with names I cannot pronounce and selecting dishes on menus based on how funny their names are to me. Often times, this backfires and Montezuma takes his revenge, but 100% of the time it is worth it.


Mo-Chica is a Peruvian restaurant located in a food court that is placed in the ass crack of Downtown LA between a bunch of warehouses, the DMV, and various meth dens.


The Lomo Saltado looked like a game of Jenga was being played on top of a pile of beef. They get 9,000 shekels and a slap on the ass for having amazing presentation.


Arroz con Pollo was bangin...according to the Duchess of Peruvia, Diane Valera.


The Ceviche del Dia aka the Ceviche du jour. EXCUSE ME, FLO? WHAT IS THE CEVICHE DU JOUR??? I don't really know what kind of pescado it was, but it was glorious. It had little crunchy kernels of brownness in it, which we later concluded were corn nuts.

I would like to formally apologize to the old lady at Mo-Chica for prank calling her on the way there. I am apologizing but am not saying that we wouldn't do it again...because it was hilarious.

Hit up the Merkato Ethiopian Restaurant and Market in Little Ethiopia on Fairfax with my broski, Eric...


The decor was breathtaking. If you know me, you know that I love to wear things that resemeble dashikis/mumu's and I think that Nelson Mandela is a style icon. The prints on the walls and chairs, along with the artwork really turned me on.


This is pretty self-explanatory.


INJERA. God, I wanted to put it on my face...


Ordered the Veggie Combo and the Gored-Gored..which was rare beef with special butter, mimita, and hot chillies. The veggie shit was amazing...

Lastly, I hit up the El Chato taco truck on La Brea and Olympic last night with my homies Chris & JP. I promise you, this truck is the fuckin truth.


It's only there from 9 pm-4 am or so, which means everyone at the truck is either drunk and/or stoned.


The dining area is the bed of the pick-up truck that tows the taco truck...perfectly suitable when you are 9 sheets to the wind. I got two asada, two pastor, two lengua tacos, and a fat horchata. That is a last meal status combo right there.


Seriously some of the best tacos around. The pastor and lengua tacos go hard in the mothafuckin paint!!

Shit, I think I'm gonna need to get some dirtyass tacos again tonight.

Cytoplasm Ramen: DO I HAVE TO WEAR PANTS???

We have many things to discuss. As I am still drunk from last night, I cannot move and am in a glass case of PAIN and arousal. WOW...that was profound.




Went Kinchans in West LA on Sawtelle for some ramen and it was not too shabby. It was full of straight Japanese people and cats were reading mangas and shit, so I was like okay let's do it. Got down on some Asahi's and I ordered the Tenshin ramen, which is like egg foo yung ramen. As you can see, it looks like an abortion. I have a knack for ordering the strangest looking shit on menus. It tasted good but there is something about eating broths that resemble placenta juice/cytoplasm that rubs me the wrong way. I have limits?


Ordered the world class PANUCHOS from Chichen Itza for lunch. They specialize in Yucatecan cuisine and I didn't know that cuisine existed until I put a panucho in my mouth. They are little pockets filled with black beans, shredded turkey, avocado, lettuce, pickled red onions, and cucumber. It is a fucking Yucatecan DELIGHT...and I didn't feel fat after I ate it, which is weird.


Was drinking apple juice and I noticed that the jug said "Concentrate From Argentina, China"...what a mind fuck. I did not know 1) Argentina was located in China and 2) Apples can be legally harvested in Argentina or China.


Went to Crane's Hollywood Tavern the other night for Wu Tang night and I was surprised to find that they had tacos at the bar. AND THEY WERE AMAZING!!! Great tacos are always found in sketchy corners and back alleys where food really shouldn't be prepared.



Ya'll really need to check out my new favorite comic book, Chew by John Layman and Rob Guillory. It's about a detective named Tony Chu, who is a "cibopath", which means he gets psychic impressions from everything he eats. In short, he solves crimes by eating people. I am a huge fan of anything related to cannibalism and so I LOVE IT!! Also, the illustrations are beautiful and the writing is hilarious.


And lastly, this is the photo responsible for me feeling like shit today. How could I say no?