Fight The Power: Footie Pajamas

I consider myself to be a proactive consumer and I think as consumers, we should be vocal about any injustices we see in modern merchandising systems. Thus, I take it upon myself to write firm e-mails to retailers, restaurants, etc. when I spot any inconsistencies. I do this not because I want them to send me free gift cards, but because I CARE.

So my friend, Steph and I were shocked and disgusted to find that Target neglected to release their Cherokee brand footed pajamas in a dinosaur print. They typically release a new print every year and it is the most thrilling part of our year.


These are the alleged replacements for the dino footies. DEER PRINT...you've gotta be shittin me. A dinosaur could swallow a deer whole and I could probably decapitate a deer with a single slap to the face. No actual boy would want to wear this shit because he would probably end up beating his own ass.

We felt it was our civil duty to take a stand and speak out against this injustice so we sent Target the following e-mail:

Dear Target Corporation,

I am writing to you in regards to your Boys Sleepwear Collection for Fall 2010. My son Stephan and I look forward to this collection every year because your stores always release the Cherokee brand footed pajamas in a different dinosaur print. It has become a tradition in our family that both Stephan and I purchase new dinosaur footed pajamas on his birthday (September 27) and wear them together as a family.

Upon visiting your locations in Glendale, Burbank, Eagle Rock, and West Hollywood locations this past weekend, I was shocked and horrified to discover that there was no dinosaur print available. I did, however, see that you are now carrying a deer print, which is not nearly as fanciful as the dinosaur print. I also found that your online store does not offer this print either. I even took the liberty of reaching out to my friends on the East Coast, who also kindly informed me that your Mid-Atlantic stores did not carry this dinosaur print as well.

Being that Stephan's 15th birthday is fast approaching, I am panicking because I do not have a present for him and as a concerned parent, do not wish to break his heart. It is hard for me to believe that this style may have been unpopular or may not have performed as well as other styles because it has been a consistent part of your collection in the past. I just wanted to shed light on the fact that this print is in high demand and has significant value to your customers.

Please let me know if you desire any design help or general consulting in putting together this year's dinosaur footed pajama release. May I kindly suggest that your design team does NOT revisit the idea of the holy trinity (triceratops, tyrannosaurus rex, stegosaurus) and include the more fanciful pterodactyl in your concept? Glow-in-the-dark print dinosaurs, as done so tastefully on black triceratops two years ago, were also quite a hit with my son Stephan and his social circle.

I look forward to hearing back from you all and hopefully purchasing these coveted pajamas soon.


Stephan on his 14th Birthday

Within a day, I received the following response:

Dear Hotass Milf (I changed the name):

Thanks for telling us you'd like to see Dinosaur Pajamas with feet at your local Target.

Your suggestions are important because they help us learn more about what you're looking for. Although I can't promise we'll carry this item, I'll let our Buying team know what you'd like to see on our shelves.

At Target, it's all about having what you're shopping for at a great value. With your comments in mind, we'll keep working hard to bring you the unique merchandise that fits your lifestyle.


Thanks for letting us know how we can make your Target experience even better.

Sincerely,

Cindy
Target Guest Relations
www.target.com
(800) 440-0680

....The nerve. No gift card offer, no coupons for nachos and popcorn, NOTHING. So my response will be to send my resume and an application for Cindy's job at Target Guest Relations.

OH YOU FANCY, HUH?: The Manila Machine & La Cevicheria

GO CINDERELLA, GO CINDERELLA...ube cupcakes, ceviche, and Corona's...AIN'T NOBODY REALER!

Yes, the rumors are true...Drake did in fact write "Fancy" about me and my delicate lady ways. He would have a chance if he took a weedwhacker to the face one time and trimmed those brows, but until then I will reserve my affections for a man with more sensible eyebrows....Vinny of Jersey Shore.


UNACCEPTABLE EYEBROWS. Line em up and we will be together one day, my Little Hairy Dinosaur.


ACCEPTABLE EYEBROWS. Fellas, you too can achieve zero density with Crisco and Cholita eyebrow YouTube tutorials.

And that would be Lesson 101 of food blogging: All great posts should start off with an ode to facial/body hair deformities.

SO...the MANILA MACHINE truck has Cha-Cha'd its way into my little heart with its Filipino treats. I make it a point to support the food of my Motherland, especially when it is mobile and non-Jollibee related.


Found this gem at the LA Art Walk. Every food truck in LA shows up to the Art Walk, which takes place once a month. I've heard a lot about this truck and it's delicious, yet unconventional take on Filipino cuisine. They have stuff like Pan de Sal Sliders and Pork Belly and Pineapple Adobo...certified party-droppers if you ask me.


The Pork Belly and Pineapple Adobo. They took the simplest dish and pimped it the fuck out by using fattier meat and diversifying the flavor palette with pineapple. It's not only amazing in theory, but their execution was glorious. I think I speak for all of Daly City when I say the Serramonte food court would be proud to house you, Manila Machine.


UBE CUPCAKE. I miss this thing everyday. I sampled it, rejoiced, and COUNTERPANTSED my friend in the face...Pacquiao style.

LA CEVICHERIA on Pico and Crenshaw is a nice little shack where you can enjoy dead sea creatures and Corona's for cheap. I read about it while stalking my archenemy Jonathan Gold online. I was hoping to run into him there so I could give him a piece of my mind and force feed him a San Francisco burrito, but he was not there for some reason.


Fish tacos...nothing to write home about but also, never a bad idea.


The Mariscada's is a seafood soup that had a broth that I would bathe in. Coconut milk, sea creatures, and a pile of rice made me smile.


CONCHA NEGRA. Blood clam ceviche sounds like Guatemalan slang for a homicide but it's flavor would indicate otherwise.

And finally...BEHOLD!!!
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THE BEST BURGERS IN LA!!!!!!!!

Fear and Loathing in Caution Tape

Once again, the Joy Luck Club aka my beezies and I graced Las Vegas with our presence. I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I hallucinated the entire weekend or not. I've seemed to have lost my camera, so I stole all these pictures from my photographer cousin, Diane. If you like what you see, let me know and I can provide you with her contact info, social security number, etc. for a small fee.


'TRON and PINEAPPLE at Drai's for breakfast. Drai's is a classy establishment that is open from 3 am to probably noon. All I have to say is they played my jam, "B.M.F." by Rick Ross and I enjoyed getting a concussion from a ceiling fan while I was there. I obviously think I'm Big Meech.


I can't explain this very well. All I know is I woke up and our room was covered in caution tape. Apparently one of us stole it from a man with a leaf blower?


Stale waffle fries, mystery bread, and a toothbrush. We eat like stray barnyard animals at night.


It was 1,000 degrees and something caramelized onto my skin? I think it was creme brulee crust but my friend said it was vomit.


SPORTS WORLD KIMCHI PLAZA. You are required to strip for your liquor at this plaza and we were more than happy to oblige.


The pools in Vegas are horrifying...warm, greasy, and full of intoxicated Jabroni's. If you ever have a sudden urge to listen to techno music and be waist high in urine, I would highly recommend spending time at a Las Vegas pool party.






We hit Bouchon at the Venetian for our last meal together. The consensus was that the place is overrated...I don't want to go into great detail but I've had better French god degree. I still stand by the Bouchon Bakery though and I did cop some TKO cookies from the kiosk, which were extraordinary.


We went dummy like Nick Pappageorgio up in that town and I've been talking like Forrest Gump ever since.

Because Susan Miller Told Me To...

I have been on an involuntary hiatus because I've been in a local correctional facility for the past month and my parole officer forbade me from using the internet. Apparently, it is illegal in the city of Long Beach to try and hijack the Queen Mary with a machete whilst on an opium binge. I guess being a pirate is only fashionable in Somalia nowadays.

I am only kidding. My band and I have been busy working on our mixtape and I've been busy with other creative endeavors...like making thongs. Anyhow, my online astrologer, Susan Miller told me that it would be good to update my blog this month because: "You will be on an all-time creative high all month, thanks to the position of Jupiter in water sign Pisces. Make an effort to reach out and mix more with others, either professionally or for purely social reasons, because that is where your most impressive personal growth lies." I only really read half of whatever I just copied and pasted, but whatever Susan Miller says goes.

After walking around LA without adult supervision, with my thumb up my ass for two months, I managed to collect a beautiful collection of photographs...


Hit up Korean bbq at Genwa on Wilshire, which was INCREDIBALLS. My sister-in-law, Betty suggested we go here based solely on her Asian instincts (and Yelp). We were served a smorgasbord of pickled shit and the beef stunted on everything. You know when you take a bite into qualityass meat and a single tear falls from your eye and you salivate all over your own crotch til it looks like you've pissed yourself? Yeah, wear rubber pants.


DIBS. Whoever let a Filipino priest write a cookbook just won the entire game of dibs for life.




My homegirl Trina came down to visit and I lost approximately 9279832908209382 braincells that weekend. It started with stealing trays at Pink's and ended with $1.80 bottles of Quail Oak at Pavillions and a visit to the Hollywood police station.




SUNSET JUNCTION. I went for the elote and stayed for the warm beer and the hope of catching a glimpse of hipster asscrack. All my wildest dreams come true at Sunset Junction. Two years ago, I joined the pizza eating contest at Garage Pizza during Sunset Junction and came in dead last. It was exhilarating losing to six grown men in a pizza eating contest.


"My milk of magnesia. Oh! After the devil made you, he broke the mold." GUESS THE MOVIE AND YOU CAN SIT ON MY LAP. And dibs on the Milk of Magnesia being located next to the enema-in-a-box at the 99 cent store.


Good Ol' Mimi Blud brought me this banh mi from the NOM NOM TRUCK. It was Shark Week and I was having a nervous breakdown, so she brought me a sandwich like a real pal should. Let me tellll you....this shit was off the hook! Like 90 feet long and full porky Vietnamese delight....thats what she said?


And lastly, check out this fucking cat that my friend made me cat sit the other night. I think it's a cat? I forget it's name but we renamed it Selena Gomez because lets be real, they could be twins.

Alright guys, CARPE POON and stay up!