News To Me: MSG is BAD (Real Bad, Michael Jackson)

So after reading various Yelp reviews about some of my favorite hole-in-the-wall Asian spots and looking at people bitch and moan about MSG over and over again, I asked myself, "Exactly, what the hell IS wrong with MSG and why are people so concerned about this invisible shit in their food that makes it taste so amazing when there are blood sucking fish in the fish tank?"



I felt compelled to do some research and found some very alarming information from some very credible internet sources. I found out via Yahoo! Answers that I am not the first to ponder, "What's wrong with MSG?" Apparently, "Pine B" was wondering the same too and luckily MSG genius, "Jerry T" came to the rescue with this wondrous answer:

MSG has been shown to cause lesions on the brain, especially in children. These lesions cause cognitive, endocrinological and emotional abnormalities. In children excess glutamate affects the growth cones on neurons. Growth cones are vital in laying down chemical pathways in the brain to enable the brain to operate effectively. Studies show that rats who had been fed MSG from birth could not escape mazes or discriminate between stimuli as well as non MSG fed rats. The implications for human children are that MSG could seriously affect their cognitive skills and cause learning difficulties.

Scientists have proven that everyone does react to MSG – it all depends on the dose of MSG given. People who do not suffer an immediate or acute reaction to the substance will, scientists believe, suffer brain cell damage which can lead to long-term health problems.

After reading this information, "Pine B" then formulated this response:

Wow! That's horrible! No wonder my neighbors are "mental"--they always eat at KFC and Burger King, which are the fast food restaurants with the most msg used.

Anyhow, monosodium glutamate or MSG is used as a flavor enhancer in most processed foods aka MY FAVORITE FOOD GROUP, which means its found everywhere and not just in Asian restaurants. Maybe folks in Asian restaurants just use it excessively and shamelessly instead of on the low? But according to another scholarly internet source, Wikipedia, it can be found in:

* Pre-prepared stocks often known as stock cubes or bouillon cubes.
* Condiments such as barbecue sauce and salad dressing.
* Canned, frozen, or dried prepared food
* Common snack foods such as flavoured potato chips and flavoured tortilla chips.
* Seasoning mixtures

So basically, MSG is running rampant through my bloodstream because of my excessive and constant consumption of ranch and Asian restaurant food. As a result, I have suffered irreversible neurological damage such as brain lesions and thus, have developed emotional abnormalities. And so, I'm going to have to check myself into a rehabilitation center for a few months and detox. After googling, "luxury rehabilitation centers in california," I have chosen the Promises Treatment Center in Malibu where Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears went.


This is where I will be posted up for the next few months.


This is a picture of the enemy. It bears some similarities to another addictive substance that causes significant neurological damage...


Although, I've heard this one makes you skinnier and not fatter.

Fatty McFatterson Strikes Again

So I've been eating an insane amount of bullshit lately. I need to get it through my head that running twice a week doesn't cancel out 1/2 a bottle of buttermilk, a bag of frozen hot wings, and 90 beers. OR DOES IT???

So here are some of the things I've taken over my knee and had my way with lately:



GENKI CREPES on Clement...we had the banana, peanut butter, and vanilla ice cream crepe. ONE WORD: BOMB.COM



Spring rolls and duck soup from Lee's Noodle House in San Jose. This place is kind of a freak show at 3 in the morning, but then again, what food place isn't at 3 a.m.? The dude at the door decided we were his best friends and confidants for the night and his hands happened to be covered in what looked like yellow mustard. The shit I do for duck soup...

Sooo, I had the best day off ever the other day and it goes a lil somethin like this..


SWAN OYSTER DEPOT on Polk Street. I've been wanting to hit this place up for a minute and I'm glad I did cause shit was ON POINT. Although I wish I didn't eat a steak before I came here. But yeah, ain't nothin like some clam chowder and Stella on a Tuesday afternoon.


SKYYYYY ROCKETS IN FLIGHT! SPLOOGE!! AFTERNOON DELIIIIIGHT!!

After we left Swan Oyster Depot, we hit up my favorite drinking/taco spot, Nick's and had a couple hundred beers and a margarita. Then I hit up my other favorite alcoholic destination, the Big Foot Lodge and had more beer.

So after that I met up my ride or die bitch and we split one of these...


I'll give you a hint: It's not a bag of poo.

We then proceeded to split 50 wings, a gallon of ranch, fries, and potato salad at Wingstop. Afterwards, we ran into Coldstones and I had a LOVE IT Mud Pie Mojo. Then we watched the midnight show of Harry Cooter/napped in the movie theater for 3 hours. The night is a giant blur of what I believe involved a lot of ranch, people dressed like wizards incessantly cheering, and getting yelled at by my Harry Potter loving homie for ruining "the most important night of the year." MAH BAD!

...So I think I'm gonna go do a few jumping jacks for good measure.

Viet-nom nom's

I've been lagging the past couple weeks with this blogging thing, so MAH BAD! Things have been pretty crazy what with the NBA draft, Twitter (follow me: @melkwon), and my hectic drinking schedule dominating my life. But now that the draft is over and that I've embarrassed myself via Twitter a sufficient amount of times, I think its time to get back on the grind and do what I do best...

So it was my homegirl, Mimi's birthday last week and so we hit up a Vietnamese restaurant in Berkeley called Anh Hong. I'll admit, the only Vietnamese food that I've really had and violate on a regular basis is pho, so imagine how shocked I was to find out that Vietnamese people made other dishes.

So Anh Hong is known for their "Bo 7 Mon", which means "Seven Courses of Beef." SEVEN COURSES OF BEEF...aslkhdfoikjsf'powjefohdefa'dljb!!!!!!!!!

Sorry.

Anyways, where was I? Yeah, basically they brought out various beef dishes and there are very specific ways to eat every dish because there are so many different components like veggies, wrappers, and sauces that are a part of this meal. Needless to say, I needed a lot of instruction from the Vietnamese folk at the table.


So these are the rice paper wrappers that you wrap everything in. You dip them in water and they get all jelloid, then you wrap shit up in there like a burrito. I unleashed the inner Mexican beast in me when it came time to rolling these bad boys up. I had everyone cheering me on and asking me to roll their beef thangs for them, which got out of hand.


These are some of the veggies you roll in...bean sprouts, pickled carrots, daikon, cucumber, mint, lettuce, cilantro. You know, the Vietnamese basics.



This was one of my favorites, the Beef Carpaccio, which are slices of rare beef covered in intercourse sauce.


This is some species of salad that I can't identify for the life of me because I'm vegetably inept. But I can tell you that they are garnished with shrimp chips ;)



These are some beef thangs which I believe are the Beef Lemongrass rolls and Grilled Beef Lot Leaf. DECADENTLY DELICIOUS with a DASH of DONG POWER. A little alliteration for that asssss....



Top rank, point blank, I'm vital...SKILLS!!! Yeah, I wrap.


This is the Vietnamese Crepe, my second favorite. It was filled with shrimp, pork, creamy mung beans, and bean sprouts. You know I fucks with the frieds more than anything else...no worries though, I wrapped it up.


SURF AND TURF, baby! A little shrimp and beef action for ya, a pretty classic combo that made my nether regions jump for joy. I should really ask them if they need someone to re-write their menu for them because I am a straight up wordsmith when it comes to Vietnamese cuisine.



My girl, Jizzo was jocking the shit out of this dish. According to the menu, they are the "Charbroiled Shrimpballs on Sugar Cane." I shit you not, it says that. That just saved me a whole lot of work...apparently, they have their own menu wordsmith.

So BRAVO ANH HONG! I give this place 69 stars for being so goddamn delicious and bringing such unadulterated joy to a young boys heart. Big up's to Vietnam too for all the beefy contributions they make to this scary world, where veganism and vegetarianism are on the rise.

Late-Night Berkeley: Donuts, Boba, and Crackheads

So the other night, my cousin and I were out in Berkeley to get some late night BOBA action in. For one and a half Asian twenty-something year olds, guzzling boba at the local Quickly on a Friday night is the equivalent of doing body shots of Patron at a club for most other people. So we ended up at Sweethearts on Durant and got two boba milk teas for $3! For those of you who cannot add, that is a steal.

So right around the corner from Sweethearts is probably one of the best donut shops around, King Pin Donuts! Around 11 or 12, they have donuts fresh out the fryer cooling on racks by the window and it smells like the Pillsbury Doughboy's hotass fart. You cannot help but walk in, order nine dozen donuts, annihilate them, and do celebratory windmills til you break every bone in your body. Although this time I did not order nine dozen donuts, but I did order one cinnamon twist and did the windmill thing til the homeless people outside demanded I be removed.



I only had my Blackberry on hand and no real camera so please excuse the wackness of these photos. But this is the boba and the elusive cinnamon twist. It was crunchy on the outside (in a fresh, good way) and warm and fluffy on the inside. I could not believe the gloriousness that was in my mouth...


Believe it or not, this is NOT a badger tail. It is actually the world's largest and probably oldest dreadlock. After further investigation, I also found out that the woman donning this thing was in fact Whoopi Goldbergs crack baby.