Valencia Street: Dosa's and Anthony's Cookies

The Mission district in San Francisco is not only one of my favorite places to get my DRANK and SWAG on but it has also emerged as a great place for me to explore new restaurants. Most recently, I visited two very humpworthy (Fuck you, spell check. Like hell that's not a word.) establishments: Dosa and Anthony's Cookies. Dosa is one of the few South Indian restaurants in the Bay Area and it is the first of its kind in San Francisco. Honestly, I had no idea what to order here because South Indian cuisine is fairly different from the Indian cuisine that I am used to. My band mates and I went here for brunch before hitting up Anthony's Cookies because we thought we should eat a sensible meal before gorging on cookies. I'll admit that we visited Popeye's 10 minutes before going to Dosa's for a quick appetizer before brunch, but I only ordered a kids meal. I think that's fair.

*The following photos were taken by my potential cousin and eternal roommate, Diane Valera, who is best known as the instrumentalist from the international super group Yonic Taco. I was going to play it off like I took these photos myself, but I don't do family dirty like that.


This is the Chicken Briyani from Dosa. Practically everything on the menu was vegetarian but thankfully, our waitress took note of our Popeye's bags and informed us of the chicken.


This is the coconut and tomato chutnies and sambar (lentil dipping soup) that were served with the dosas. As I do with most delicious sauces and condiments that I come across, I ended up inviting everyone in the restaurant to do chutney snooters off the bar top and was asked if I would come back every Friday night to host a weekly snoot-off in exchange for liquor. Okay fine, just kidding...a girl can dream.


The EGG DOSA with cheese. It's practically a savory crepe, only its much larger than your average crepe and can also double as a yoga mat.


This is the Dahi Batata Puri, which are hallow, crispy fried breads that are filled with yogurt, potatoes, mint, and tamarind chutney. Aren't they gorgeous? They explode in your mouth when you eat them (That's what she said.) and they are an experience in themselves. I wouldn't say that they were delicious, but I would tell someone to try it for the ball exploding sensation that takes place.


These are delicious chip things...they were fried, therefore they were good. Enough said.

So, after writing a Yelp review on this place, I'm not sure if I'm allowed back because I said that the birdseed type mixture that they offer people as a digestive/breath freshener tasted like, "rotten Jager" and that seemed to offend one of the owners. One of the owners of Dosa wrote me a very condescending message in response to my review and he didn't sound very thrilled about my views on their birdseed. This annoyed the shit out of me because I don't appreciate condescending messages in my Yelp mailbox from oversensitive Adnan Ghalib (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adnan_Ghalib) look-a-likes who cannot take criticism. I'm also very annoyed because I can't stop thinking about those deliciousass dosa's but I don't want my food to get farted on if I happen to go back. People, don't put your picture on your Yelp profile, especially if you're gonna insult a place that you plan on going back to. I learned that the hard way...

And finally...ANTHONY'S COOKIES. We went there during their grand opening and waited a good 30 minutes in line for cookies, but it was completely worth it. These are hands down, the best cookies I have ever had, especially the cookies and cream flavored one...Oreo cookie bits in a cookie is DELICIOUS and GENIUS. Shout out to Anthony for having brains AND beauty.


Clockwise to the left we have the toffee chip, chocolate chip, banana, and cookies and cream. They melt in your mouth ever so tenderly, full of flavor and unabashed sex appeal...CERTIFIED DIME PIECES in every sense of the word.

Again, thank you to Diane for the sensual photos...you must teach me your ways because I cannot stop staring at these damn pictures.

Fun Finds at the Asian Market + 711

Alongside the decadent aromas and luscious old people, Asian supermarkets feature a magnificent assortment of goodies that cannot be found in your average KKK supermarket. I am not talking about food, I am talking about men. Fortunately for me, there is no shortage of Asian supermarkets in the Bay Area and they have become my new favorite place to pick up on vulnerable, unsuspecting bachelors. Although while cruising the aisles on Friday night, I not only fell in love a total of 14 times in half an hour but I also found some interesting food items that must be brought to the public's attention.


In the cookie section, I found "Chocolate Digestives" and "Couque D'Asses." I must commend the Japanese for being very frank when it comes to naming their snacks in relation to the bodily effects that take place after eating them. I'm guessing the "Couque D'Asses" serve as some sort of aphrodisiac.


I'm not sure what this is, but it was located in the produce section. I will leave this open for interpretation, feel free to leave comments about this root looking creature.

And finally, I was surprised to find that these gems were still being sold at 711. Ladies and gentlemen, HYPHY JUICE...

Breaking News: I am Samoan

MAHALO! Well, it looks like I am once again the proud owner of a broken laptop. Therefore, blogging has become damn near impossible. So let me update you while I sit here and chug jars of maraschino cherries in the nude.

I had the honor of going to Honolulu for my cousin Amanda's graduation a couple weeks ago and I did a lot of prepping for my trip. Prepping as in I spent hours on end yelping food places in Honolulu and then sending my cousin creepy, cryptic text messages about food. I must say, my efforts were well received and I had some very pleasing encounters.


So my cousin greeted me at the airport with a box of malasadas from Leonard's. They're famous for their malasadas, which are pretty much Portuguese doughnuts. They're deep fried yeasty dough covered in sugary goodness.


Well, suck me sideways...these particular malasadas were filled with mango custard. I'm not usually a fan of filled doughnuts but Leonard's has a bunch of different flavors like guava, haupia, and chocolate. I'm sure if you punctured my ass cheeks, mango custard would come flowing out because I probably have mango cultivating ancestors. More on this discovery later.



This is a Kahala burger from the Plumeria Beach House restaurant at the Kahala Hotel. It's an angus beef burger with fried egg, guacamole, bacon, white cheddar cheese, topped with a hibiscus flower-shaped bun. It's pretty much a boughie, Hawaiianized version of a Fat Burger with fried egg and bacon. And Lord knows I love me a FAT BURGER!



For dessert, we had the creme brulee sampler which had a regular, orange, a coffee creme brulee and we also had Hawaiian sorbet which consisted of guava, lilikoi, mango, and pineapple sorbet. The creme brulee inspired me to write a haiku that goes a little somethin like THIS:

hot creamy torched to perfection
warm and sexy down my face chute
crustard stuck in my teeth


So this is a diner that we went to called MAC 24/7. I am so naming my autobiography "MAC 24/7: I Can't Help But Be Pimpin'"


This is what a $17 loco moco looks like. Yeah, blasphemy...whatever, it was good. Another angus burger with fried egg atop rice and smothered in gravy. FRIEDS AND GRAVIES are always an amazing combo and always causes a violent reaction in the nether regions.


MACADAMIA NUT PANCAKES! 14 INCHES BLUUUUD! Trust me, these were fuckin monsters. If memory serves me corrects, the to-go box was an actual cake box and we needed a dolly and several scantily clad native beefcakes to help us carry the leftovers to the car.


The single most amazing thing about Hawaii is that they have about a million different varieties of spam that are not available on the mainland. The most significant one being GARLIC SPAM. When my aunt made this for us, we were all screaming, jumping, and crying tears of joy. It was the most triumphant moment in the history of canned meats and definitely a turning point in my life.



This is mochi ice cream from a place called Bubbie's. These are the most amazing mochi ice cream's I've ever had. We tried the guava, sakura, green tea, raspberry, and mango flavors. The close up is of the raspberry one which was truly crotch numbing.



ICE CREAM CAKES!! Oh lord, one was chocolate and raspberry and the other one was a triple layer cake with cookies and cream, coffee, and chocolate ice cream. I may have startled everyone around me because I went cross-eyed and kept running around shirtless, yelling out Armenian curse words. I heard a rumor that those are symptoms of the early stages of diabetes, but in my professional opinion, I'd say a bitch just had too much sugar.

Since I was only there for 3 days, I didn't get the chance to hit up every place I wanted to. But in 3 days, I did find out that I am actually Samoan. When I was checking into the airport on the way to Hawaii, the man checking me in asked if I was excited to be going home. I also had someone ask me if I was Samoan, which was not the first time a person has asked me this question. I also came across several people who are probably my relatives and lucky for you, I took pictures of them. I bear an uncanny resemblance to all of them...mainly in the leg and hair area.